three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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