I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
