Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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