It's like a parade of train wrecks.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
How naked do you want me to be?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
