i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
