did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
