So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
