just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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