I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize