somebody snuck up and got me drunk
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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