did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
