I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
