I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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