We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
