He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
