My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We left the knife in your bed.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
