you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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