if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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