Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
