Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You're breaking my sexual little heart
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
