yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
