put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize