tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
