This is not my ceiling
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
