Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
