she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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