we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
