Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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