Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
