So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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