At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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