did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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