my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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