if you like me you must not know who I am
the day after is always just damage control
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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