Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
