it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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