playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Terrible idea I love it
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
