Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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