R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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