that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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