Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
