hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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