also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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