Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize