Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
