He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
