9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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