Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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