i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
