Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
