I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
why do cheetos always look like penises
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
