I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
