You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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