Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
