dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
