Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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