bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
