Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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