she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
