How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
