you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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