I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
