How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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