obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize