if i can run in heels then i can drive
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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