Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
